


April Fool's Day fun

by 17mndonahue



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 17:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3659118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17mndonahue/pseuds/17mndonahue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine Edward trying to prank Mary for April Fool’s and Mary totally out pranking his ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

March 31st

The house was quiet except for the soft sound of the television in the background. Mary and Edward were already cuddled up in bed, content with their surroundings and both feeling no need to talk. Looking over at Mary, Edward saw that she was almost done fighting a battle against herself on whether or not it was time to sleep. After waiting a few minutes he decided to try and pull his arm out just a bit from her heavy head. He carefully watched her face making sure that his sleeping beauty would not awaken with the movement, feeling victorious that she had not woken up so far he tried to get his arm out faster. Pushing his luck, as he always does with her, he ripped the final part of his arm out from under her head and jumped off the bed. Pulling himself back together he glanced back at her to see that she had seem to have stayed asleep throughout the whole endeavour. But with his hand on the doorknob, he heard the distinctive noise of Mary clearing her throat and closed his eyes. 

"Dammit," He whispered. "I was so close." He rocked on his balls of his feet for a second, thinking about his chances of getting out of this, before he turned around slowly to face the bed where Mary was laying, head propped up by her elbow. 

"Where the hell do you think you are going?" She asked with the raise of her eyebrows."If I was anybody else, I would swear that you were cheating on me and that I just caught you in the act."

"But you are not anybody else, therefore, you know better than to think that I would even ponder the idea of that," Edward replied, squirming as he thought back to the time when she threatened to cut off his balls if he were ever to cheat on her. 

"That still does not answer my question though, so I'll ask again, where the hell do you think you are going?" 

"Um, I just remembered that you forgot to set up the coffee pot for tomorrow and I know you enjoy a nice cup of it before work so I just thought that maybe I would set it up for you so you won't be cranky about it tomorrow morning." He looked around the room trying not to make eye contact with her, knowing that if he did she would see right through his lie. 

"No, I clearly remember setting it up because I asked you if you wanted to try that new kind your mother gave you and you made the gagging noise you always do when we talk about your mother's gifts." She replied. "So would you like to try again?"

"Mmhm, how about I needed a cigarette and I thought you wouldn't want to be woken up for such a petty reason?" Trying again he looked at her, giving her a tiny shrug.

"Okay, how about I tell you that I know you and I know that you are setting up for your April Fool's day prank even though you know I don't want to deal with that and that I think you are such a child for doing it." Looking down rocked on his feet trying to just get it over with so he could go out and set it up. He knew she knew and she knew he knew therefore he thought there was no more reason for him to be grilled.

"Fine, you can go set up whatever prank you are going to pull but if you are not back in this bed by one I will assume that you wanted to sleep on the couch tonight." Rolling over to face the closet she got settled to go back to sleep, leaving him there to gape at her in surprise. 

Pulling himself together for the second time tonight he ran out of the room and out to the kitchen only pausing to slowly close the door as not to disrupt her. Getting to the kitchen he slid to a stop and turned around furiously looking for the plastic wrap. Opening and closing the cabinet doors he searched for it. He stopped for a second trying to think of the last place he saw it. Deciding that it wouldn't be in one of the cabinets but in one of the drawers by the sink he slid over to the sink and opened the second drawer.

"Bam." He whispered, grabbing the cardboard container and sliding it out of the drawer. Slowly he closed the drawer remembering that this is the one the sticks sometimes. Usually, when Mary sees something out of place she knows exactly what he did, April Fool's day was going to be just the same, he just knew it. 

After jiggling it back into place as quietly as he could, Edward went into the bathroom and lifted up the toilet seat. Crouching down by it, he set down the wrap so he could lift up the toilet seat. Giggling to himself he began to wrap up the toilet in the plastic wrap. Meticulously, he cut up the pieces and wrapped them carefully around the edges of the bowl making sure that there are no gaps and that all of the pieces could reach from one side to another. 

Once Edward was satisfied with the wrapping of it, he sat back on his knees to view his work. Closing the lid of the toilet he remembered his "deadline". Quickly he got up and out of the bathroom, glancing at the stove clock he sighed. He had made it just minutes before one. Smiling to himself he put away the wrap, making sure the drawer was set and made his way to his room where his lovely girlfriend was sleeping soundly in his bed.


	2. April 1st part 1

6:45 A.M. April 1st  
Edward got out of the shower and wrapped and the towel around his waist, glancing over to the toilet, checking to make sure that everything was still set up for his prank. He walked out of the bathroom and to the kitchen where the coffee had just finished brewing. Grabbing the cups from the cupboard he began to pour a cup for Mary.

"Good morning." He said bringing the coffee into the bedroom and set it on the little table closest to Mary's side of the bed. "It's a good thing that you took a shower last night instead of doing your usual morning shower," Edward said glancing over at Mary before turning around to get out his work clothes for the day. 

"Huh?" She answered back as she had not fully awoken yet. 

"The shower? You should be happy you took one last night instead of this morning." He replied as he was getting dressed for work."It's really gross, I think it may have to be cleaned sooner than expected."

"Why? What happened to it?"

"So I'm in there washing my hair and I accidently open my mouth but instead of tasting the old city water taste I always do, it tasted like chicken." He stopped his usual morning routine to look over at her. Searching her face to look for validation that this wasn't all a dream or that he wasn't in fact going insane. "I open my eyes and back up wondering what was going on to see that the water and turned a light brown, not enough that it looked extremely dirty but enough for me to get freaked out."

"It is probably nothing, Edward, get ready for work, you are going to be late." 

“And another thing,” He ignored her still on his rant about his shower.”I grab my bar of soap to try and wash myself, not that I could anyway with the dirty water, and the soap wouldn’t bubble up for some reason. It’s like today is Friday the 13th for me or something.”

“Edward, would you please stop freaking out over such petty, fixable things and get ready for work?”

"Fine but I am going to figure out the problem though, once I get home tonight. Will you be here?" Returning back to his morning routine, he looked back at her through the mirror. 

"Probably not, I have work to do, Edward, I just can't sit around your house and clean like some housewife of yours." She replied getting up and out of bed. Taking her coffee with her, she walked into the kitchen and to the bathroom, glancing back at Edward to make sure he wasn't looking, she closed the door to the bathroom and proceeded to dump the coffee Edward made down the drain of the sink. Usually, she would drink it but between it being April Fool's Day and what she put in the coffee grounds themselves, she was going to pass on it for today. 

Setting down the cup on the side of the sink she went over and lifted up the lid of the toilet. Seeing a slight ripple in the way the toilet was formed, she began to investigate. Crouching down to look she lifted up the seat of the bowl and gently sat it up to make sure Edward couldn't hear her ruining his fun. Around the rim of the bowl, Mary could see plastic wrap clinging to it and decided that Edward's foolish trick on her had been to wrap up the toilet seat in plastic wrap. What he wanted the outcome to be, on the other hand, she wasn't quite sure of. 

Sighing, she ripped it off the bowl and stood up. Crumpling it into a ball she grabbed her empty mug and went back out into the kitchen to swiftly throw away the plastic ball and set the coffee cup into the sink before proceeding to the bedroom where Edward was still getting ready.

"I saw your little joke in the bathroom," She said to him." That was quite the prank you pulled, I almost actually fell for it this year."

"Almost?" He replied turning around to look at her. "Guess you're stuck with me until next year then."

"I don't think whether or not you pull a good prank on me determines if I'll stay with you or not." Walking over to him, she reached around and grabbed the clothes she had set up the night before on his dresser. Unselfconsciously she stripped and changed into them. "Are you almost ready for work?" She asked him. 

“Yeah, I’m just about to start my car and get my bag packed for work.” He replied wrapping his arms around her waist. After holding her for a few seconds, he kissed her on the head grabbed his keys and went out to his car.

Mary followed him until she got to the doorway of the bedroom and watched him leave before heading back into the room. Looking around she quickly found the pack of his cigarettes that she had been fooling around with earlier in this morning and put it in his bag. Hearing the front door announcing Edward’s arrival back into the house she grab the bag and brought it out to the couch, where it would sit until Edward left and brought it with him to work.

“Did you want more of this coffee before I put it all in my travel cup?’ Edward asked as he was getting out his travel cup from the cupboard. 

“Nah, I think you can handle the rest of that yourself, Edward.” She replied putting on her shoes.

”Okay then, more for me I guess.” Edward shrugged. After making up his coffee and screwing on the lid, he walked over to where Mary was standing and threw his travel cup into his bag. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her in close trying to savor his last few moments with her before he had to leave, judging by both of their schedules he would be lucky if he got another chance to see her before the weekend arrived. Checking his watch, he quickly realized that it was time to leave so with a quick kiss on Mary’s lips he pulled away from her and grabbed his bag. 

“I’ll call you on my lunch break and then again once I get home tonight, okay?” He said throwing his bag over his shoulder. 

“Jaysus, Edward you are so clingy,” Mary replied teasingly.”Why don’t you wait to call me until you get home, huh? Do you think you can handle not talking to me for that long?” 

“I guess so.” Edward sighed. He dragged his feet over to the door, only stopping to put on his shoes then turned around to look at her.”I love you, ya know.” 

“I love you, too, I guess.” She replied pushing him out the door and with one more peck on the lips he was gone, off to work. After making sure that he had left and not forgotten anything she walked back into the bathroom. Getting into the tub she reached up and unscrewed the shower head cover from the shower head itself. Looking it in to make sure there were no remnants of her prank she got out of the shower and went over to the sink to rinse it out. Once she had cleaned it out completely and got it back on the head she grabbed the bar of soap and toothpaste and went back into the kitchen.

Grabbing a bowl from the cupboard she filled it up with nail polish remover that she had recently bought just for this reason. Making sure that all of the liquid was out of the bottle she set the bar of soap into it. Mary watched it for a minute before turning sideways and opening the cupboard that Edward had recently dedicated to just snacks. She got up on her tippy toes, opened up the cupboard and reached in for the Oreos. Retrieving them from the cupboard she opened them up and began to twist apart the Oreos. Once finishing the task of emptying out every single cookie she stared at it for a second, chuckling under breath then she reached over and grabbed the toothpaste. Putting a few teaspoons in each one, she made sure that everything looked perfect and nothing was out of place.  
After she had finished that job she put the container back into the cupboard and stepped back admiring her work. Putting everything away she began to think over everything she did and wondered if she missed anything. Standing back she admired her work and how little time it took to do all of the cookies. Going back to the couch she sat down and turned on the television, ready to wait for Edward to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been addicted to the show The 100 lately and haven't been able to progress to much on these two. Instead of making you wait for a second big chapter though, I've split it up into two different ones.


	3. April 1st part 2

5:37 P.M. Still April 1st.

Edward sighed turning and pulling the key out of the ignition of his car. He opened the door and stepped out, looking up Edward was startled to see Mary’s truck still sitting in the same spot that it was when he left that morning. Reaching back to his car to grab his bag he wondered what she was still doing at his house. Slamming the car door, he made his way to his house. 

“Hello?” He questioned looking around inside his house. 

“Hey, Edward, welcome home.” Mary looked over from her spot on the couch. 

“I thought you said you weren’t going to be here when I got home?” Edward dropped his bag at the door and made his way over to where she was sitting. Placing himself next to her, he draped his arm around her shoulders. “It doesn’t really matter too much because I’ve had the worst day and one side of me wants to go to bed while the other half of me wants to tell you everything that happened.”Mary looked over at Edward for a second before shrugging his arm off of her shoulders and lifting her arms up off her lap.

“I told you that I was going to stay home and do my work today, Edward, you know I don’t enjoy pranks, so to stay on the safer side I decided to just stay here and do everything.” Mary looked down at him sitting in her lap like a little puppy dog. She watched as Edward reached up and grabbed a piece of her hair and twirled it around. He played around with it for a few seconds before letting it go and gazing up at her. 

“Well, as I told you before, my day was complete shit. I’m happy you’re here though, so I can talk shit about whoever put shit in my coffee to make me shit so much.” Edward glared at Mary, seeing that she was smirking at the news of the coffee. “But that was only a chip off the iceberg. Between the shower problems and the coffee I was pissed, then I went out to smoke, right, and my lips start going numb, it’s not even cold out!” Edward huffed, the day had definitely not gone as he had planned. He was supposed to be the one who set up the jokes! But this year someone had outdone him. “It’s driving me crazy, thinking about who could have done this. I thought nobody in the office would have the balls to do it to me and yet someone still did.” 

“Well,” Mary replied. “Looks like the jokester has finally been out joked, huh?” She watched the television carefully and made sure not to crack and show even a little evidence that every single prank that had been pulled on him was her. All of them.

Edward sat up quickly, seeming to be fully energized at his new idea. “Will you help me make a list?” He asked. Jumping up he ran into the bedroom and grabbed an empty notebook and a pen. Edward bounced back onto the couch and looked at her expectantly. 

“No, Edward, I will not help you make some kind of weird prank hit list,” Mary told him. “Besides I doubt that the person who did it is going to make it on that list.” 

Edward eyed her carefully. “Why would you say that, hmm, Ms. Read? Do you know something I don’t about it?” Edward scooted closer to her, watching her face carefully. “You do know it’s illegal to hold information about the crime from an officer.”

Mary scoffed, sparring a single glance at him before turning back to the t.v. “Edward, you are not an officer and it is not a crime to prank someone, you should know better than anyone that it's not.” 

“You still didn’t answer my question, though.” Getting closer to her face he began to watch her, waiting to see her crack. “Do you know something about these “immature” pranks that were pulled on me today?”

“No, I don’t know any more than you do about it, alright?”

“You did it, didn’t you?” He asked her. Smiling he watched her eyes flick with recognition for a second before going back to their usual stone cold hardness. “I got you! You said it was “immature” and “inappropriate” but then you decided that it would be cool to pull them on me anyway, huh?” Edward looked at her searching her face for the answer. 

“I don’t have a clue what you are talking about, Edward.”

“Yes, you do. The real question is how?”

“You really don’t know, do you?”Mary asked finally turning to him. 

“Nope,” He replied sitting back against the arm of the chair and putting his feet in her lap. “But I want to hear it, so would you please put your pride away for a few seconds and tell me everything you did to make my day a complete wreck.” 

“Okay,” She said pushing his feet off her lap only for them to return a second later. Edward shifted on the couch a bit before looking at her with expectant eyes. “Last night after I took my shower I put those beef cubes that your mom gave us into your shower, also during that time I painted clear nail polish on your bar of soap. When you were getting ready for bed, I was setting up the coffee pot and by setting it up I mean mixing laxatives in with the grounds. Lastly while you were getting your prank ready for me I was putting Orajel on your cigarettes. See you are way too easy to fool, these were all so easy to do too.”

 

Edward sighed, still trying to grasp that she had really pranked him. “I just can’t fully grasp it. You the mayor of no-fun ville beat me the mayor of funville.” He looked at her. “You know what? I’m going to bed, it has been the longest, weirdest day I have been through. So goodnight.” Edward pushed himself off the couch and made his way to the bedroom.

Mary stayed and sat on the couch. Watching him leave to the bedroom, she chuckled to herself knowing that once again she had won another battle against him. Turning back to the television she clicked through all of the channels before deciding that nothing good was on and nothing good would not come on anytime soon. With that thought, she turned off the t.v. and made her way to Edward’s bed and his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! I am going to write a nice little Clexa fanfic and then come back and update my other story with another chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Please review! It makes me want to write more. Also this chapter was suppose to be out yesterday but I had a long day so instead you get this one today and tonight or tomorrow the next one.


End file.
